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To this community, it’s a scarcity model: Asian women who succeed are accused of succeeding “at the expense of” Asian men.The worst scarcity, they believe, is in the dating pool: Asian women who “marry out” are perpetuating the stereotype that Asian men are undesirable.The problem is that even legitimate concerns end up entwined with these more extreme views.Some of the men on these forums argue that they are overlooked culturally and that Asian women’s activism sidelines them — a point that the Asian community can and should civilly discuss further.And like most of the harassing messages I receive, it came from an Asian man.In frustration, I shared the message on Twitter, and most people were appalled.Writers Mimi Wong, journalist Clarissa Wei, and the vast majority of women I spoke to for this piece (including me) were all targeted after being highlighted on “AZNidentity” — which frequently calls out Asian women its members disapprove of.
I’ve gotten messages like this for more than four years, ever since my first novel — featuring a family with an Asian father and a white mother — was published and my own mixed family became public knowledge.
The men harassing Asian women about their interracial relationships may not all know each other, but they are linked by a common ideology: a belief that Asian women shouldn’t date outside their race — and that as Asian men, they have the right to voice this opinion through toxic harassment.
But the outlook of the Asian men behind messages — and posts — like those above also echoes another group: white supremacists.
I once received 27 tweets — calling me everything from “irrelevant” to “liar” to “coward” to “neglectful gaslighting mother” — in 48 hours, from one person.
I save these messages in a folder on my computer to document the abuse.Thus, in the eyes of these men, interracial relationships and multiracial children are “eugenics” — selectively “breeding” Asian men out of existence — but inter-Asian marrying to create “pure” Asians, as they put it, is commendable.