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Tell him you can see his good or at least innocent intentions, and he’ll feel seen and understood. You’ve got to understand you two are never going to experience life the same way all the time.

Seriously, accept that he’s sharing his reality, and in his reality he never intends to hurt you.If you think he’s lying or he does want to hurt you or he just won’t ever take responsibility for how he affects you, you probably shouldn’t be with him.But if you do trust he genuinely wants to be a good man for you, then assure him you really understand that; that you know he never means to harm you – because that’s almost certainly what he’s aching for you to get. But notice how your resistance to embracing each other’s reality is already causing you to lose all that.If her upset isn’t immediately understood and validated, she gets even more upset! And I know her reasons for being upset might make her seem crazy to you, but so long as you orient towards her as though she’s crazy and you fail to embrace her feelings, she’ll feel that too, and she’s gonna be hell for you.

He may not have actually done anything yet, but just the fact that he doesn’t validate her upset and instead defends his logic for being ok with whatever the thing, well … Even if he agrees to stay home or not invite his ex-girlfriend – JUST to get his partner off his back and NOT because he really wants to or understands her feelings – it hardly matters. She’ll either get louder or shut down altogether, and you don’t want either of those outcomes.

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